but I knew that he was my in my dream. I still think about him before I go to bed and usually as soon as I wake up. I still have to see him at work, which I believe this whole thing could be easier if I didn't have to. He does annoying things like stare at me for what seems like minutes and wont break the stare. HE SHOULDN'T GET TO STARE AT ME! The other day, he couldn't get in the doors to the building and who was out in the reception area to let him in, ME! He said thank you and walked RIGHT BEHIN ME, but I couldn't say one word and I was shaking so bad out of anger, I had to sit down to get control of myself. He gave me a big bouquet of flowers for Valentine's Day this year that of course came in a vase which circulates around my office. People want it to put fish in, and then they hear the story of what happened to me, and pass it on to the next person like it is a curse, which it probably is, and the only thing I can think of is to just SMASH IT! Even worse, my supervisor at work is a male, and he is friends with me on Facebook so he knows about my break up, even though I have never mentioned it to him, and every time I don't do something perfectly at work he says "are there other issues you are having, are you sure there are no other issues u are having?" like he expects me to say "I CAN'T WORK BECAUSE I GOT BROKEN UP WITH ME!" Um no! I can work, I can function, my demeanor MAY be different, it MAY NOT be, who knows, but because I believe he wants me to bring it up to him and he pushes it, I end up bawling and having to excuse myself which really gets me pissed. I still am unable to wrap my mind around him not being mine forever but I THINK I KNOW that one day I will be over it. I have met new friends during my blogging break which always helps, especially my new work roomie Jillian, she is great! She teaches me to be independent, informs me that I am the bomb.com, and sends me classy song links like "don't make em like you" by Ne Yo which I am so thankful for :) Two girls from my 4 person "clique" at work have left so now it just me and A.C. who is wonderful as well, she always makes me laugh. It was getting pretty pathetic there for awhile, I was going to bed at 7:30 or 8:00 because I was so bored and so lonely and I just wanted to be back at work..BLAH! WHen it comes to guys, I tried to just be friendly with one here in my home town, I just went to a local football game with him, and of course, everybody thought I was dating him, which I am not into, so I had to cut that tie loose. I went on a date this past Saturday with a cute boy from Atchison who is 27 and I had a really good time. We have talked everyday for about a month and a half but things are being taken very slow. I found, and I probably have mentioned this before, that I am attaching to people very quickly since my break up; especially men! It makes me feel better, safe, happy, but its not good for me, or them, so I am trying to not attach to this one. I wait for him to text me, I am going to wait for him to ask to hang out again, ect.. He is going through a job change so he isn't always the happiest camper so its best I just sit back and relax. If it works out to be something, GREAT, if not, at least I didn't get attached and it will somehow just be another learning moment. I put up Christmas decor today to make my spirit happier, its working a little, I am sure the Christmas music will push me there :) I have never been a depressed person but its a big fear of mine. I don't want to be sad, alone, miserable, dark...thats not me, but being lonely and being stressed is a hard time and I see how so many people slip into depression. Pray I stay strong and continue laughing because I sure do! I promise to make my next post a happier one!Saturday, November 17, 2012
Catching Up!
So it has been awhile since I have last blogged. I think about blogging everyday but just never do it and I don't know why. Today is the day though, I am going to catch up. I am still healing, still sad some days, happier others, ready to move on with this time in my life but its complicated. I have dreams about my ex boyfriend almost every night... it was to the point where I would wake up with sweat dripping off of me (which I don't understand why)
but I knew that he was my in my dream. I still think about him before I go to bed and usually as soon as I wake up. I still have to see him at work, which I believe this whole thing could be easier if I didn't have to. He does annoying things like stare at me for what seems like minutes and wont break the stare. HE SHOULDN'T GET TO STARE AT ME! The other day, he couldn't get in the doors to the building and who was out in the reception area to let him in, ME! He said thank you and walked RIGHT BEHIN ME, but I couldn't say one word and I was shaking so bad out of anger, I had to sit down to get control of myself. He gave me a big bouquet of flowers for Valentine's Day this year that of course came in a vase which circulates around my office. People want it to put fish in, and then they hear the story of what happened to me, and pass it on to the next person like it is a curse, which it probably is, and the only thing I can think of is to just SMASH IT! Even worse, my supervisor at work is a male, and he is friends with me on Facebook so he knows about my break up, even though I have never mentioned it to him, and every time I don't do something perfectly at work he says "are there other issues you are having, are you sure there are no other issues u are having?" like he expects me to say "I CAN'T WORK BECAUSE I GOT BROKEN UP WITH ME!" Um no! I can work, I can function, my demeanor MAY be different, it MAY NOT be, who knows, but because I believe he wants me to bring it up to him and he pushes it, I end up bawling and having to excuse myself which really gets me pissed. I still am unable to wrap my mind around him not being mine forever but I THINK I KNOW that one day I will be over it. I have met new friends during my blogging break which always helps, especially my new work roomie Jillian, she is great! She teaches me to be independent, informs me that I am the bomb.com, and sends me classy song links like "don't make em like you" by Ne Yo which I am so thankful for :) Two girls from my 4 person "clique" at work have left so now it just me and A.C. who is wonderful as well, she always makes me laugh. It was getting pretty pathetic there for awhile, I was going to bed at 7:30 or 8:00 because I was so bored and so lonely and I just wanted to be back at work..BLAH! WHen it comes to guys, I tried to just be friendly with one here in my home town, I just went to a local football game with him, and of course, everybody thought I was dating him, which I am not into, so I had to cut that tie loose. I went on a date this past Saturday with a cute boy from Atchison who is 27 and I had a really good time. We have talked everyday for about a month and a half but things are being taken very slow. I found, and I probably have mentioned this before, that I am attaching to people very quickly since my break up; especially men! It makes me feel better, safe, happy, but its not good for me, or them, so I am trying to not attach to this one. I wait for him to text me, I am going to wait for him to ask to hang out again, ect.. He is going through a job change so he isn't always the happiest camper so its best I just sit back and relax. If it works out to be something, GREAT, if not, at least I didn't get attached and it will somehow just be another learning moment. I put up Christmas decor today to make my spirit happier, its working a little, I am sure the Christmas music will push me there :) I have never been a depressed person but its a big fear of mine. I don't want to be sad, alone, miserable, dark...thats not me, but being lonely and being stressed is a hard time and I see how so many people slip into depression. Pray I stay strong and continue laughing because I sure do! I promise to make my next post a happier one!
but I knew that he was my in my dream. I still think about him before I go to bed and usually as soon as I wake up. I still have to see him at work, which I believe this whole thing could be easier if I didn't have to. He does annoying things like stare at me for what seems like minutes and wont break the stare. HE SHOULDN'T GET TO STARE AT ME! The other day, he couldn't get in the doors to the building and who was out in the reception area to let him in, ME! He said thank you and walked RIGHT BEHIN ME, but I couldn't say one word and I was shaking so bad out of anger, I had to sit down to get control of myself. He gave me a big bouquet of flowers for Valentine's Day this year that of course came in a vase which circulates around my office. People want it to put fish in, and then they hear the story of what happened to me, and pass it on to the next person like it is a curse, which it probably is, and the only thing I can think of is to just SMASH IT! Even worse, my supervisor at work is a male, and he is friends with me on Facebook so he knows about my break up, even though I have never mentioned it to him, and every time I don't do something perfectly at work he says "are there other issues you are having, are you sure there are no other issues u are having?" like he expects me to say "I CAN'T WORK BECAUSE I GOT BROKEN UP WITH ME!" Um no! I can work, I can function, my demeanor MAY be different, it MAY NOT be, who knows, but because I believe he wants me to bring it up to him and he pushes it, I end up bawling and having to excuse myself which really gets me pissed. I still am unable to wrap my mind around him not being mine forever but I THINK I KNOW that one day I will be over it. I have met new friends during my blogging break which always helps, especially my new work roomie Jillian, she is great! She teaches me to be independent, informs me that I am the bomb.com, and sends me classy song links like "don't make em like you" by Ne Yo which I am so thankful for :) Two girls from my 4 person "clique" at work have left so now it just me and A.C. who is wonderful as well, she always makes me laugh. It was getting pretty pathetic there for awhile, I was going to bed at 7:30 or 8:00 because I was so bored and so lonely and I just wanted to be back at work..BLAH! WHen it comes to guys, I tried to just be friendly with one here in my home town, I just went to a local football game with him, and of course, everybody thought I was dating him, which I am not into, so I had to cut that tie loose. I went on a date this past Saturday with a cute boy from Atchison who is 27 and I had a really good time. We have talked everyday for about a month and a half but things are being taken very slow. I found, and I probably have mentioned this before, that I am attaching to people very quickly since my break up; especially men! It makes me feel better, safe, happy, but its not good for me, or them, so I am trying to not attach to this one. I wait for him to text me, I am going to wait for him to ask to hang out again, ect.. He is going through a job change so he isn't always the happiest camper so its best I just sit back and relax. If it works out to be something, GREAT, if not, at least I didn't get attached and it will somehow just be another learning moment. I put up Christmas decor today to make my spirit happier, its working a little, I am sure the Christmas music will push me there :) I have never been a depressed person but its a big fear of mine. I don't want to be sad, alone, miserable, dark...thats not me, but being lonely and being stressed is a hard time and I see how so many people slip into depression. Pray I stay strong and continue laughing because I sure do! I promise to make my next post a happier one!
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