I met Zachary March of 2010. He worked at Home Depot with me and he approached me on Facebook. I remember I was on my way to Florida with a friend and received a Facebook message from him just wanting to chat in general. His parents, who I had met before I had met him, continued to tell me they had a son that they wanted me to meet and date and marry and I thought they were crazy. He was married to a girl he had not known very long, she had ruined his credit, didn't work, gave him list of chores to do, played video games, drank early in the morning, and refused to be intimate with him. His parents knew he was unhappy and knew he didn't have the heart to get out of the relationship. Anyways, his message on Facebook was basically a quick introduction since we hadn't really talked, just seen each other, and then questions about Florida, why I was going, with who, and what I planned on doing there. He soon after asked for my number and he made a comment about getting a picture of my boobs and I thought "how dare him, who does this guy think he is," and I shrugged him off. My vacation flew by and I was back to work. Zach began to message me on Facebook again in an appropriate way so I responded. He asked for my number, and I gave it to him. We would text each other almost every day discussing the situation he was in, how to handle it, his life, my life, ect. In July of 2010, I got a boyfriend that wasn't too serious and I continued to text Zach daily about everything. I was learning so much about him and began getting very personal with him just through text. He knew he wanted a divorce from his wife at the time but was scared of hurting her and I was there as a big support. I remember I was at a local bar one night with my boyfriend at the time and another guy had called me a bitch over something dumb, and that word does not fly with me, so I got upset, walked out, left, and cried. Zach called me within 2 minutes to discuss what had happened, to ensure I was OK, and to let me know he was there for me. My own boyfriend didn't even follow me out or try to contact me (I knew there was something about Zach that was so special to me that really hit me this night.) I got a call a few days after that that he had "done it," he had told his wife he wanted a divorce, and he was scared, and upset, but happy all in one. He was moving his stuff out of their apartment and moving in with his parents. I came home and talked to my mom about this boy I had come to know over text messages and phone calls and told her I didn't know what to do because I already had a boyfriend and I didn't know if I should leave him for Zach. My mom read my a verse out of the bible that talked about there being a path and plan for everybody and whatever I chose was the decision I was supposed to make and everything would be OK. The feeling of just KNOWING came over me and its a feeling I will never forget. It hit me fast and was like a huge arrow pointing to Zach. I had to end things with my boyfriend but felt very bad about hurting his feelings because I hate hurting others. The next night when I got off work, I drove to Zach's parents house, he met me in the driveway and we hugged for I don't even know how many minutes. It was the first time we had really touched or been together in person (other than breaks at work.) I went in the house with him and we sat on a couch together. I remember our arms brushed and fire ran through me. I stayed there and talked with him and his family but didn't get to stay long. The next day I came back, he had two bracelets for me I had been looking for in shapes of a giraffe and elephant (our favorite animals) and when his mom came down to see the gifts, he grabbed my hand and I almost died. His touch was like sparks on my skin. We went to Carlos O Kelly's to eat with his family (it was our first time in public together, and my first time eating in front of him..YIKES!) I had volleyball after eating but promised him I would come back to see him after the game. I played my game and then did return to his house in my sweaty sandy clothes, but he didn't care, he thought I was beautiful no matter what. I layed with him on his bed that night and attempted to watch a movie with him but before the first 5 minutes had even happened, he had talked me into kissing him. WHAT A SUCKER! From then on, we saw each other everyday, he would stay with me some nights, but most nights I would stay with him. A lot of the time I would bring clothes for days at a time because I didn't even want to go home and shower if it meant being away from him. I loved that boy before I even knew what was happening, I loved him hard. We had fun just being together, in his room, in his car, running errands for his family, no matter what, we had fun, and we were happy. He would dedicate songs to me like "just the way you are" by Bruno Mars and "smother me" by the used (I know I hadn't ever heard it either) but I loved it the moment I listened to the words and knew he felt that way about me. Sundays were our favorites, we would go to ihop for breakfast and then spend the rest of the day in bed together. I remember one night he was at my house and he had to go home for some reason to stay the night there and when I was telling him goodbye I cried, I knew I would see him the next day, but the thought of not having him with me that one night killed me. I should have mentioned this in the beginning but this beautiful boy, he had shaggy hair with beautiful bangs that swept across his face along with a beard that I loved almost as much as I loved him. He wore black and white chucks and they have never looked so good on one person. Even when he cut all his hair off (which I was scared out of my mind about) he was so handsome and I thought "I am so lucky to have him." The men I had dated in the past were nice to be in the beginning and then treated me horribly. They would be with other girls, or talk mean to me, use me, and not care for me the way I cared for them, but not HIM, not this one, he loved me as much as I loved him and I had a feeling he was my one special person I was going to be with forever. He made me imagine being married and having his babies, I never wanted to be married and have babies, but with him, I wanted everything. We wanted to live on our own so we began apartment looking. When we finally found one, we were so excited to call it OURS and to come HOME to eachother everynight. We also welcomed another member to the family, a kitten who we first named Izzy but now is called "Boogie." We weren't/aren't really cat lovers but we loved her. I love her, so much, and am so thankful she is in my life. Our work schedules were off, I graduated college and got a job that made me miserable so I wasn't always in the best mood but when I look back to that apartment, I remember taking many showers togethers, dancing in the kitchen many nights while cooking dinner, and sleeping together in OUR FIRST ROOM. Zach and I had discussed where we would like to permanently live and where we would like to raise our children and my home town was brought up. My parents lived there and it was only 15 minutes away from where we already were. My dad informed me that it was a good time to buy a house and there was a house available that I should look at. I did some walk throughs in the house, signs some papers, and Zach along with other family members were there to welcome me to the brand new house. WE HAD A HOUSE! This of course made more bills but I didn't care because I was with him and he was all I ever needed. No matter what stress I had in my life, I knew I could count on him to be my rock, to always make me feel better, and to shower me with his love. His hugs and kisses were the best things I had ever felt in my entire life and knowing he was MINE made me feel so safe and happy. We experienced many concerts together (his favorite, Blink 182, which I was so excited to take him to), Mexico, the lake, seasons, birthdays, and holidays together. My family called him "Shaggy" so I couldn't go anywhere alone without hearing "where is Shaggy." My family loved him, they accepted him, and saw how much I loved him. We even began to look at wedding rings.......They say the first 5 years you are with somebody is the hardest and we barely made it to 2. I am not going to go into the fights but there were some but we were SO GOOD about saying sorry, kissing goodnight, kissing good morning, and making things better, until they weren't better. I didn't know but he was becoming unhappy, and then was unhappy, and then was missing his home town, hating my home town, feeling stuck, feeling trapped, feeling scared, and second guessing me as "the one." Through several weeks he talked about breaking up many times and I thought I was in some kind of nightmare and couldn't imagine my life without him. He always came back to me after threatening a break up and I knew I had to work harder to make him happy, to make us happy. I realized that I was maybe taking him for granted or not being nice enough to him....I just knew I wasn't doing something I should be because he wasn't loving me the way he used to, talking to me, touching me, none of it was the same but I KNEW HE WAS THE ONE SO I WOULD DO WHATEVER I COULD TO MAKE IT WORK AND MAKE HIM HAPPY....but it wasn't enough. I got the final text that he wasn't happy and that he would talk to me when we got home from work that day. I immediately text my mom "Zach is going to break up with me" and she called me. I was at work so I went around the side of the building and bawled and she told me she loved me and she knew I loved him but if he wanted to go I had to let him go. I got off work early to get my tire fixed...I decided to sit outside the station while they were working on it and pray that he would change his mind before he got home. When I finally got home, I knew he would be home in 15 minutes or so and I started to fix my hair and make up and remember thinking "why are you trying to look good for a break up." I tried to tell myself to be strong, to not cry, if he wanted to leave then let him and that if it was really love he would come back to me. I sat in a chair reading a book waiting for him to come home. I heard the door unlock and began to panic. He walked in and had a sad look on his face and I knew this was it. He asked me about my day and I answered but was unable to look at him. It got silent and he said "I am moving out, I am going to live with my parents" I asked him when and he said "now" I said OK and sat there. He told me he had cried in his car on the way home thinking about it but he wasn't happy. I asked him if we were breaking up, he said he didn't know what to say, i knew the answer was yes so i answered for him. He got up and began taking things of his off shelves. He was looking for garbage bags or boxes and I didn't have any. He used what he could find (small trash bags, one box, and his suitcases.) I text my dad and asked him to please bring all of his huge black trash bags so Zach could move his stuff out, my dad said he would be right there. The minute my dad rang the door bell I already had tears rolling down my face and I ran out the front door to him. He dropped the trash bags and automatically put his arms around me. I lost it, I couldn't stop, it hurt, my heart was broken, I didn't want to live without Zach. Dad squeezed me tight and told me I would be alright and that everything would be alright. I took the bags inside and put them in the room where Zach was packing and went into another room and bawled. I couldn't stop crying, I wanted to beg him to stay, I wanted to yell at him, I had no control of what was happening. When he went downstairs I knew I had to help sort DVDs but I didn't want to help him, I felt like I was helping him leave and that was the last thing I wanted. I sat there watching him load up all of his stuff. I asked him why and how and made sure he was clear that he wouldn't see me anymore or our cat and he said he knew but what did I want him to do, stay and be unhappy. I said I wanted him to stay and work on being happy. He told me he didn't want a relationship, he wanted to be single, he wanted to start a new chapter without me. There was nothing else I could say. He had to make two trips to get all of his stuff so before he left for the first trip I told him I wouldn't be at the house when he got back, I was going to my parents, and he would leave the keys on the table. We hugged tight and he told me he loved me and i told him he loved me. I watched him walk out of our house and out of my life. When I got back that night, he was gone, along with everything that was his, it was all gone. When I looked at my cat, I cried immediately. I knew everytime I looked at her I would think of him and I was sad that she would never get to see him again. That was her dad since she came into our lives and I knew she would feel everything I felt. Since the moment he left me, she wont leave my side and she is constantly meowing like she just wants to make sure I am OK and let me know she is here. I sound like the crazy cat lady, I know, but even thought it makes me sad to look at her, she keeps me going because I know she needs me to love her and take care of her and our lives have to keep moving. I tried desperately to talk to him in the days following but he wouldn't have it. He told me that I needed to stop, that I would heal, and that he had made his decision. I couldn't understand it, I didn't know why it was so easy for him, I was confused, I just wanted him back with me. I text his parents and told them I loved them and I loved him and I would miss them so much and they said the same to me. The next day, I noticed Zach had deactivated his Facebook, blocked me from his blog, and long story short, I found out there was somebody else. The thought had never crossed my mind that there was anybody else and he even said to me before he left "there is nobody else, I would never do that to you"...but there was. Her name is Madelyn, she lives in Texas, she is younger than him, they have a lot in common, from what I could tell, they began talking in the beginning of August, first friends on a blog, then texting each other. She had quotes he had said, she had post about him, she had pics that showed zachary+Madelyn, she had wrote property of Zach K.T. on her leg, and the moment it really hit me is when I saw she had his favorite boys name on her list of boys names (that she wanted to name her kids) When I confronted him, he said it was just a girl he knew, that it was a friend of a friends who liked him, that he talked to because he was unhappy, and that that wasnt the reason he left me. I sent him all the pics on the blog that proved otherwise. I texted his parents and informed them of the news because they were just as confused by the break up as I was. His dad text me back and apologized for my findings, stated he didn't know anything about it until just then, that the girl was from Texas, and that he assumes Zach started talking to her when they had gone on vacation for Florida. His dad told me that he hoped I would heal fast, that I would always be in his heart, and that he loved me very much. I told him that I loved him too. I was angry, I wanted anything of mine BACK that zach had and anything that was his or reminded me of him that was left in the house I wanted OUT. He left the mail key for me to pick up and I dropped everything off on his parents front door step. I still had to deal with some billing issues and mail issues but I knew that would be over quick. In a moment of weakness, I visited the girls webpage a week after the break up and found out that they were telling eachother they loved one another (he was using the sign for I love you that I had taught him) and he had posted pics of her all over his webpage. I also got to see that she refers to him as "shaggy" which is great for her, but I take a little comfort in knowing that my family gave him that nickname and he will always be our "shaggy". It became very clear to me that they had been talking for awhile, and that they weren't just friends. I had been that girl with him just two years earlier. The girl he talked to when he was unhappy with his wife, I know what that conversation looks like. The hurt happened all over again, he had betrayed me and I never thought he would do that to me. I vowed to never look at either one of those web pages ever again and to move on with my life.
There are small things that I will always remember inbetween all of those lines that I will keep just in my heart and in my memories. When I look back on the relationship I had with the boy named Zach I will try to understand the reasons God put him in my life and took him out the way he did. I wish him all the happiness in the world and will always be thankful that I got to spend some of my life feeling the kind of love and happiness he brought to it.
This made me cry...I love you so much Meg and know things are tough. But I promise you that you will heal. You are one of the strongest women I know. Keep your head up! I am so glad that you are blogging!
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