Todays marks one month of being single. I didn't think I would survive the first couple of days let alone a whole month, but I have. Even on my hardest days I get through and I have come to the conclusion that I just maybe am going to be OK :) I had a long talk with a woman who I was lucky to meet through my job and is just like another mama to me, her name is Leslie. Yesterday she kept saying "you look so good, are you happy??" She didn't know about the break up because the only real answer I give to people when they ask me how I am or how life is, is "fine." I don't say this because I want to lie but because I don't want to go through the story over and over with people but when she asked me when the big day was it was time I told her. (By big day, she meant my wedding day) I explained to her that it was actually the opposite of that and she said "you broke up with him?" and I said well its kind of the opposite of that as well, he broke up with me. She had a strange look on her face to so I went through the whole story with her. By the end of the story she had an angry face on. She began with the "you don't deserve that", "let me see a picture of this piece of shit" "Karma is a real bitch" and so on. We talked about the 80/20 rule which goes like this. Him and I were in a 2 year relationship, I payed for a lot of my own stuff, I have a car, have a house, have a job, pay my bills, bought him things, cooked for him, cleaned for him, ect.. I am the 80%. He left me for an internet girlfriend who is still in college and can't really give him much but some new excitement, she is the 20%. A lot of men are with an 80% and go for the 20% because of excitement and then realize they had it all when some time passes, which is too bad for them. Leslie asked me about his car, where he lived, and what bills he had. Well he has an old enough car that doesn't even have payments anymore, he lives with his parents, and the only bills he has now are his insurance and phone. I explained that he had money saved up for a ring for me but he has been getting a lot of tattoos so that is probably where the money is being spend. Leslie said I had just explained a man not worthy of me, and I deserve something so much more. Leslie asked "Why do you have to be the one giving everything and having everything?" She told me to focus on who was most important and if I don't know who is most important than I need to figure that out. Leslie explained that I am worth more than that, I am beautiful, and the right man will want to take care of me. Leslie stated that if it is love then it would work its way out but she hopes I never take him back. I stated that I hope he never comes back, and that I wouldn't take him back anyways because my trust is long gone. Another good point she made leads me to my "fall back guy," the one who has been in my life for several years but particularly there the night the break up happened. I put all my focus and time on him, thinking it would make me feel better, which he has most of the time just because I am not alone, but I am looking for more than what he can give. I have known it from the beginning, my intuition tells me, I just haven't been listening. Anyways, Leslie said "I was infatuated with this man once who I just knew I could make love me and I was the answer to everything he needed. I would go into his home, cook for him, watch his little girl, and do everything he wanted, and then I stopped when I realized he was not doing anything for me" Leslie stated that the point was, be with somebody who wants you almost more than you want them. She said "if you really like a guy, don't show it, play hard to get, make him put in the effort, stop giving so much and getting so little" Those were the exact words I needed to hear. I realized I need to learn how to be single, make it fun, focus on ME, and forget anybody who doesn't see how wonderful I really am. A big thank you to Leslie for everything she teaches me, all the wise words she gives, and all the love she shows.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Leslie
Todays marks one month of being single. I didn't think I would survive the first couple of days let alone a whole month, but I have. Even on my hardest days I get through and I have come to the conclusion that I just maybe am going to be OK :) I had a long talk with a woman who I was lucky to meet through my job and is just like another mama to me, her name is Leslie. Yesterday she kept saying "you look so good, are you happy??" She didn't know about the break up because the only real answer I give to people when they ask me how I am or how life is, is "fine." I don't say this because I want to lie but because I don't want to go through the story over and over with people but when she asked me when the big day was it was time I told her. (By big day, she meant my wedding day) I explained to her that it was actually the opposite of that and she said "you broke up with him?" and I said well its kind of the opposite of that as well, he broke up with me. She had a strange look on her face to so I went through the whole story with her. By the end of the story she had an angry face on. She began with the "you don't deserve that", "let me see a picture of this piece of shit" "Karma is a real bitch" and so on. We talked about the 80/20 rule which goes like this. Him and I were in a 2 year relationship, I payed for a lot of my own stuff, I have a car, have a house, have a job, pay my bills, bought him things, cooked for him, cleaned for him, ect.. I am the 80%. He left me for an internet girlfriend who is still in college and can't really give him much but some new excitement, she is the 20%. A lot of men are with an 80% and go for the 20% because of excitement and then realize they had it all when some time passes, which is too bad for them. Leslie asked me about his car, where he lived, and what bills he had. Well he has an old enough car that doesn't even have payments anymore, he lives with his parents, and the only bills he has now are his insurance and phone. I explained that he had money saved up for a ring for me but he has been getting a lot of tattoos so that is probably where the money is being spend. Leslie said I had just explained a man not worthy of me, and I deserve something so much more. Leslie asked "Why do you have to be the one giving everything and having everything?" She told me to focus on who was most important and if I don't know who is most important than I need to figure that out. Leslie explained that I am worth more than that, I am beautiful, and the right man will want to take care of me. Leslie stated that if it is love then it would work its way out but she hopes I never take him back. I stated that I hope he never comes back, and that I wouldn't take him back anyways because my trust is long gone. Another good point she made leads me to my "fall back guy," the one who has been in my life for several years but particularly there the night the break up happened. I put all my focus and time on him, thinking it would make me feel better, which he has most of the time just because I am not alone, but I am looking for more than what he can give. I have known it from the beginning, my intuition tells me, I just haven't been listening. Anyways, Leslie said "I was infatuated with this man once who I just knew I could make love me and I was the answer to everything he needed. I would go into his home, cook for him, watch his little girl, and do everything he wanted, and then I stopped when I realized he was not doing anything for me" Leslie stated that the point was, be with somebody who wants you almost more than you want them. She said "if you really like a guy, don't show it, play hard to get, make him put in the effort, stop giving so much and getting so little" Those were the exact words I needed to hear. I realized I need to learn how to be single, make it fun, focus on ME, and forget anybody who doesn't see how wonderful I really am. A big thank you to Leslie for everything she teaches me, all the wise words she gives, and all the love she shows.
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